Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Is it Really My Job?

So you know you are tired when you're ready to lose it over a couple of missing school library books.  I end up lecturing and nagging and going on and on to the point that I frustrate myself even more because they don't care.

So I question, is it really my job to keep track of their stuff?  I wouldn't have thought so after all I'm supposed to be teaching them how to become self-reliant and independent little beings.  Teach them?  HAH that's a laugh.  I can organize, show them and "take time for training" till I'm blue in the face and they'll smile at me and the next thing I know they've left the washroom without flushing or washing their hands, they promptly drop their clothes beside their laundry baskets, ignore the napkins I've placed in front of them and wipe their faces across the back of their school uniform sleeves.  Ohhhhhh the list goes on.

So no wonder I begin to feel just a bit like a failure of a mother.  Especially when well meaning people (scream in-laws) make me feel like it's me cause I don't clean or organize.  Because, of course, they don't see it when it's all neat and tidy (after I've had to stand over them and finally pitch in myself) oh no, they just see it after the bomb has gone off and let's face it with three rambunctious kids the bomb goes off often at my house.

It's no great wonder that I'm ready to lose it today since I've been only asking J to find her library books since the last school library day last week.  But you know she's too busy to do anything like that and unless I stand over her and push her into looking, it doesn't get done.  So who ends up looking, I do. Then I go to the next child, where are your library books... "I don't know" to well the "computer says I have books out but I know I returned it".  Sure you did, the books you took out over Christmas vacation magically got returned to the school when?

The problem is we can designate a library book spot but no one seems to follow it, not even their dad.  Books get dropped wherever  they happened to be read and rarely even make it back to the bookshelf until we do a big clean up or I get tired of the sloppy mess of a bookshelf and clean it up myself.  The kids like to play with the books and drag them all over no matter how many times I ask them not to because you know nothing holds a fort together so well as a couple of good heavy books and playing library or bookstore without books is just plain old silly and why would we use a bookshelf to store the books when they look so much nicer on the floor.

Of course, I'm just griping about their library books.  I haven't even mentioned their homework, backpacks, lunch kits, school supplies, mittens, coats, hats, gloves, scarves, shoes, boots, hair do dads, water bottles, crafts, etc. Never mind the drama that occurs if I don't know where something is.  I will literally be greeted with tears and frustration if I can't tell them where they happened to sit their toy down on coming into the house.   WTH!  I know that I'm supposed to have eyes in the back of my head but really I draw the line at psychic abilities.

So what say you?  Do you feel like you have to be their personal assistant or are you trying to train your little beings to be self-reliant?  Are you making any headway or like me are you just one step away from banging your head on the wall?



  1. yup i know exactly what you mean. I think its a yes and a no. I am a very firm believer in learning independence. My boys have have chores and earning allowance. They have to behave and do good in school. They clean there room and put away there clean clothes.
    If they scratch a movie or loose or brake a toy it is there problem. We will not replace it. I always tell my boys "if you can't take care of it, you don't deserve it" but on the other hand if it something borrowed as in a library book or something that has a high value i think its also a bit of a parents responsibility.
    So id say go with the tough love route and they will learn value in what they have and they will take care of it better (even more when they buy it with there own money) and instead of stressing just shrug it off with an "oh well" Good Luck!

  2. I feel your pain. You know what's really sad? My husband is just as bad as the kids or worse! I thought my kids would get better as they age but so far it's not happening.

  3. I guess it depends on how old the kid is. At some point you just have to let them forget the books and suffer consequences. It's a hard thing to do though. And even though I'm trying to teach them a lesson, I feel like it reflects poorly on me. Like I didn't do job, even if it really isn't my job.

  4. [A]- I like what you said about sometimes our hearts have to catch up to our brains on the other blog....

    and [B]- I will come back later to read your blog- looks interesting!!

  5. I mde it back...

    it is a hard balance.. I had 3 boys in 3 years- I have finally conceded to the fact that somethings I will be telling them over and over and over every day... until their wives take over.....

    And my husband and I are BOTH absented minded, so the poor boys haven't a chance......

    but then sometimes you have to let consequences do their thing and hope the kids will learn after enough times.

    but every day it seems the balances change and I have to re-figure it out again.....


  6. I know exactly how you feel! It's like I'm the only one in the house who knows the proper place for anything despite the fact that they regularly have to clean up and return things to their places. Sometimes it makes me a little crazy and frustrated. Like being told I have library fines when my kids swore all of the library books were in the stack we returned. I have no solution to this phenomena. If you find one, let me know!

    Thanks for celebrating SITS Day with me!



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