Thursday, November 11, 2010

Men are Crazy

I swear if I live to be 100, I will never understand men and they say we are the complicated ones. 

I've been up and down emotionally since our whole tiff about the working together thing.  I've been through the gamut of emotions from not feeling appreciated or valued as an intelligent person and contributor to the business, after all I owned a video store first and longer than he has, to being angry at the way he dealt with it. 

I've tried to get over it.  I've tried to distance myself emotionally from everything that has to do with the business while trying to continue on as normal with him in our life together.  It's a hard go, especially when I am constantly reminded of things that he's planned or doing or money he's spent concerning the business.  How can I tell him not to talk to me about work when it's a normal part of life for a husband or wife to tell each other about their day. 

When he elicited my help to help do up the display for the candles he'd ordered, I politely declined.  Did he say anything.  No. He knows I'm still upset. 

This has been going on for two plus weeks until yesterday.  He hit a financial crisis with his business.  The bank lady kindly called us first to inform us that unless we got money into the account ASAP his rent cheque was going to bounce.  I step aside and take over running the kids to school etc so he can sort it out only to find out that one of his solution was to go to the bank and witdraw money from our personal line of credit.  A line of credit that money from the sale of my business helped pay down.  Did he ask me or talk to me about it?  No. 

It's not like I had a choice in the matter.  We have to do what we have to do in order to keep going but still I would have appreciated having the matter at least discussed with me.

Finally, I could hold it in no longer and we ended up having it out. I'm talking discussion here, not an all out fight.  I do feel better, I've had a chance to clear the air and feel that our relationship is somewhat back to normal.  He does want my help but was frustrated and what he said to me before was out of his frustration.

But why did it take for me to have to bring it up?  He has lived with us being in discord for over two weeks.  Sure we've been trying to be normal but the intimacy we usually share wasn't there.  I asked him.  He said it was awful and that he would have said something eventually.  Eventually?  I was floored.  He would rather let us be miserable and let his wife feel unhappy and full of self-doubt than discuss it or possibly get into another fight about it?  Are you kidding me?   I think that hurts more than anything else.  I asked him if he was just planning on waiting it out until I got over it?  He said no, of course not, he would have said something.  But I have my doubts. 

Did he say anything when I dropped a box he asked me to at his store, and wouldn't set foot inside or even kiss him goodbye because I was so mad?  Did he say anything about the fact that I haven't been in his store since the tiff?  Did he say anything when I declined to help him with his display, a project we had both intended to work on together?  Did he say anything when I emailed him the label file so I wouldn't have to do the labels at home anymore?  No.

The amazing thing is that now we've had this conversation, instigated by me, he's completely back to normal.  I realize now that he was holding back before because he knew he'd likely be rejected.  And I'm not just talking about sex.  I'm not one of those women that will withold sex to get their way.  I'm talking about quick kisses, hugs etc that normal couples do throughout the day.  Let's face it, it's hard to be loving when you don't feel valued.  

Men seem to be able to brush it off and get over it while we women tend to stew on things for a few days.  Like I said I do feel better but when I stop and rethink it all through, I have to say it completely confuses me and still bugs me. 

Is there something crazy your husband does that you just don't get?

2 comments:

  1. Yes. My husband likes to leave his dirty socks all over our room even though the hamper is clearly visible. I just don't understand.

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  2. Im a stewer! Every couple of weeks me and the hubby have to have a sit down and hash it all out... more me complaining and then we both come up with a plan to help the things get solved. We always feel much more connected afterward, like were a team.

    Visiting from SITS

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