Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we are here today to present the case of Wife vs. Husband.
This, your Honor, is a case of epic proportions. The wife, being me, has begged, pleaded and in some cases I have to admit, nagged the Husband to put his Dental Floss Toothpicks away. The husband acknowledged said begs, pleas and nags with a shrug and a nod, only to perpetrate the crime once again. The husband has without conscience even left the toothpicks on the China Cabinet, made by the wife's father, a stated and expressed "no go zone". Meaning, the wife has set up the top surface of the china cabinet in a lovely display of family photos and ornaments and has expressly requested that nothing be set down there hence the "no go zone". The husband has repeatedly and wilfully abused the "no go zone".
May I present the evidence, your honor....
The cup holder in MY van
The Window Ledge in our bedroom
On My China Cabinet - What I consider a "No Go Zone"
(Note there is also a pair of sunglasses teetering on the edge)
I believe the foregoing evidence makes my er the Wife's case. These were a few photos taken over the course of two days. All of the aforementioned picks are still residing where they were taken, the Wife feeling that she has 3 children already and should not have to pick up said picks.
Should your Honor require further evidence, you are welcome to visit their home.
I have no doubt your Honor you will find the husband guilty of wilful public mischief and desecration of the "no go zone". I ask that your Honor make an example of the husband for the sake of the couple's children, not be lenient, in short throw the book at him.
May I propose a few sentencing suggestions your Honor:
1. Pick up all offending toothpicks and promise heretofore never to leave the picks willy nilly around the house again.
2. A bouquet of flowers for me.. preferably Peonies in Pink or Champagne
3. A dinner out on the town, the accused may or may not not choose to come
4. A solemn promise to never leave the %@$! toothpicks lying around the house again.
5. A heartfelt apology and acknowledgment that I am ALWAYS right.
and if I'm not going to far with this your Honor..
6. A girls day at the spa paid in full by the accused for whatever pampering I choose to do.
Thank you, your Honor, for your thoughtful and careful consideration of this matter. I am sure you will see it my er the Wife's way.
Sigh.... he did buy me a Blackberry.