Time for another confession. I seem to do that a lot. Confess, that is. Or is it fess up? Anyways, they say confession is good for the soul.
It's true. I have an issue withcommitment. Now I know that sounds strange coming from a woman who's been married nearly ten years to the same man and has three lovely children all whom of which I am tied to indefinitely. After all, what bigger commitment can you get than having babies. They may move out when they are 18 but you still have to always be there for them. Crap. I knew I should have read the fine print better, you know of that parenting manual that comes with every baby you have.
As for hubby, well I guess I'm not tied to him indefinitely but geez who wants to go through all the bother of splitting our stuff up now. Just kidding sweetie. *L* On a side note though, would you believe that we still refer to some stuff as to it being mine because I had it since before the marriage, like our bedroom suite. His stuff from before is, of course, long gone. Except for that stupid hockey poster which is buried in the backroom somewhere and the ugly wood burl clock.. but he made it with his dad so I can't really turf it. MWAHHA
No, my commitment issues actually involves some of the really big things in life like do I really want to commit to watching that movie or reading that book. I know, it sounds strange but it's true.
You see I am the type of person that gets really involved in books I read or movies I watch. I mean really involved. If the movie has a tragic ending,like a child dying, it can bring me down for days. The fate of the poor child will literally be in my thoughts for quite some time. I can actually get depressed by it.
Same goes for a book. If it is particular well written and dramatic it sucks me in to the point that I don't want to put it down but then I don't want to get to the ending either because well it might just not turn out happy. That's my other fault... I like happy endings. I want the boy to get the girl, the miracle cure, the sudden inheritance, the rainbow.
Because of my work I am forced to watch movies all the time now and I've become jaded. I don't want to have to watch everything that comes down the pike. I look at the summaries and my heart sinks. Why is it that all the most popular movies are dreary and dramatic and tragic?
Did I really want to watch Love in the Time of Cholera? Come on people. There is no way that was going to end happily. Man loves girl, girls love man, man is deemed unworthy by girl's family, girl married another man...happily for 50 years. While man goes off on to various sexual exploits over the years, finds out girl is widowed... dreary dreary dreary DREARY!
While I love books and enjoy movies, I need them for a quiet escape. I don't need to get sucked into how dark and evil this world is. I know it's dark and evil. I know that there are many, many heinous crimes going on all over the world. I just don't need to be inundated with it. Life is tough enough without being dragged down even further. When you are caring for children you need to be up, up,up. Not downdowndown.
I actually started read this book called the Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. Fantastic book. Normally, I'm an insatiable reader. Normally, I'd have that book read in 2 or 3 days. I'm more than half way through but I haven't touched it in over a week. It was very well written and it sucked me in something fierce... I'm just worried about how it's all going to turn out. Plus there is the fact that this is part of a series so I know it won't end with the book.
So what did I do? I went to the library and picked up a couple of light hearted murder mysterious. How can murder be lighthearted? Well, it is when the amateur detective is named Agatha Raisin and blunders around a lot. Or then there's thechocolate murder series. Involving lots of chocolate and chocolate trivia. Love it.
Those are the books I can put down and pick up again around my day and my children's lives without too much emotional trauma.
I've tried explaining this to my family and friends. They really don't understand it. Many women I know, love movies that make them cry. I don't because for some reason I can't just cry and then shrug it all off it just stays with me.
I find myself more and more thinking, do I really want to invest my time and my emotions into this book or film and find that more and more.. I don't.