Monday, May 12, 2008

Yummy Mummy

I am not a yummy mummy. It has been agreed to with out any argument at all by my husband that I am not a yummy mummy. hey, it was okay when I was saying. His part (did you forget honey?) was to contradict me and tell me how wonderful I look.

His defence in all that was that it takes money to be a yummy mummy. You know, that green stuff that buys clothes and pays for manicures etc.

I mentioned it to my mom and she, never having heard of the phrase yummy mummy, was inclined to disagree. You don't need money to dress right, you have to have a knack with clothes, putting the right outfits together etc. You know, something I apparently don't have.

So what does it take to be a yummy mummy? I am inclined to think a little both. You need to have some money and you need to have the knack to pull a look together. Throw in there a dash of confidence to pull it all off.

Even the best of those people who make you look like a Diva on a dime could go through my closet and pull out several "WoW" outfits. What do you do with a mom who has more t-shirts than blouses in her closet cause their cheap so who cares if they stain. While the rest of the clothes are somewhere between 2 sizes to small or at least one size to big (not including maternity). I'm tired of my clothes not fitting. I'm tired going to the store and buying one outfit (cause, hey who can afford an entire wardrobe at once?) only to want to wear it every day cause I love it so much and feel that great in it. Why is it always that after a month or two the same outfit suddenly loses it's shine and I no longer think it looks so hot on me?

I'm tired of trying on jeans only to find out when I get home that they don't fit afterall. How can you really judge the fit of your clothes standing in a dressing room? I have at least three pairs of jeans in my closet that I thought fit only to find after wearing them several hours that they've stretched and are now slipping off my hips. Damn stretch jeans. I hate non-stretch now because they are just not as comfortable but with stretch denim I can't seem to get the right fit. It's a bad sign when you can pull your pants up and down without have to unzip. Or is it a sign of a woman with loose morals? HAH.

So I need money and lots of it. I'd love for someone to nominate me for that What Not to Wear Show. Only instead of crying and whining like many of them, I'd actually embrace what Stacey and Clinton are trying to teach me so I'd come out of the show not only with some great clothes but with the tools for shopping in the future. A whole week in New York away from the kids would be a nice fringe benefit too!

I'm sure there are a lot of moms out there who look great without spending a ton. They are probably the kind of moms that spent money on nice clothes before they had kids. Me. I've always been somewhat overweight (up and down over the years) and let's face it, chubby people just don't spent as much money on clothes. We're always hoping to lose weight so why waste money on an outfit that will soon be too big. Yeah, I've been telling myself that for the last 10 years. I go up, I go down, but I mostly stay the same. Course, I've had three children in the last 4 years. Thats not easy on the body either. Not only that, living where I do, there just aren't a whole lot of options. I'm pretty much stuck with the major department stores and everybody knows their chubby clothes suck. The "Above Average" (nice euphemism that, why don't they just call it like it is I'd shop a store called Fat Chicks, wouldn't you?) anyways, the other stores are usually high priced and I have the choice between dressing old ladyish, who wears mumus really, and dressing like a wannabe young professional. Neither of which suits my current lifestyle. Why can't they make nice dresses for chubby people? Why the big prints? I feel fat enough already, why would I want to wear a puky brown dress with giant paisly pink and purple amoebas all over it?

I digress. I complain. I whine. Still it feels good. I'm frustrated and sometimes a little depressed. I really would like to look like one of those put together moms. I'd like to look hot and have people envying my husband instead of wondering why he married me. I never want my kids to be embarrassed of their mother. There is no happy ending to this diatribe. No moral to the story. I want all those things and don't see any way of getting it. There just isn't money for those kinds of things and won't be for a long time. I will have to satisfy myself with the 2 t-shirts for $20.00 deal.

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